I was so guilty for an offense that made my Lord sad. Reason: I got mad. I retaliated to the world because of its betrayal. I was humiliated. I was disrespected. I started to dislike the feeling, doubted myself and eventually hate the person.
Though hating them never last. It will go for an hour or two and then surrender. I normally bowed down with a “sorry” and praying that the person will forgive me, setting aside who started it or who really was at fault. But still, the guilt tripping was killing my conscience. Just like Paul (2 Corinthians 12), I can feel the “thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” I felt so burden and so I asked for help and requested someone to pray for me.
It’s amazing how the Lord comforted me with His forgiveness through His words and angels surrounding me. I do not belong to this world. I am His and His commandment I should follow. Jesus taught us to love one another as He loves us (John 15:12). Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). Hate, grudges, pain and other works of evil separate us from those we truly love and to those who really hunger for love. They (our persecutors) deserve, all the more to be loved.
What will I do if the world will continue to test me? I do not know, but Jesus will always have an answer. I would think of what Jesus will do if ever He is actually at the very same situation. Would He lock the door and hate the world? Would He shout, curse the person and ignore him forever? Would He allow a casual kind of love – loving someone when it only necessary or when it benefit us? Most probably not. His Love is the purest and has a saving power.
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
There are thorns (our weaknesses e.g. pain, doubt, anxiety, depression, etc.) that actually turn into blessings. Jesus was wearing a crown of thorns for people to degrade him more, laugh at him, mock his name and cause him more pain. See! He conquered the world. May we all die for ourselves like Jesus and live each day with a burning desire to love more our families, friends and bring more people back to Him.
_ Circe Gernale Sola _