“I am a dreamer.”
I am dreaming about anything every single day. It’s actually my number one and only hobby (I guess). When I see things, actual or imagination, a reality or dream, there’s something that urges me, pushing me and telling me, “You need to act. Do something!” but I ended up doing nothing. It always remains a DREAM.
When I was a kid, I used to talk to myself. I made myself my own playmate. I was not alone. I was with my mother and my grandmother but they cannot play with me all day long and for obvious reason, they were not on my age. Since it’s very seldom for me to go out and see other faces, I made it sure to see something new and strange things about the people I met. There were times that I idolized them to the point that all I wanted was to be like them.
Whenever I saw a policeman, I wanted to be a police woman.
After coming home from school, I wanted to be a teacher.
When I was hospitalized, I pretended that I am a doctor.
I love going to church, no… I never dreamt giving homilies like a priest, but I like the preachers, usherettes, sacristans and the nuns serving the church and the people.
I wanted to be an architect building good houses, mansions, etc.
I even mimic a konduktor, an albularyo like my grandmother, a tricycle driver and a lot more that every time it’s flashing back, I just smile. By the way, I am amazed with cars ever since. And what I love the most before was seeing a lady… driving.
When I entered college, I enrolled Accountancy.
Funny yeah! How did I arrive at the course that was not even in my vocabulary? I did not even dream of being a cashier. But, it was clear that at that point, I wanted to be a lawyer. For some reason, I was pushed to enroll a business related course and my mother just bribed me of the “CPA – Lawyer” thing. So, before I will become a lawyer, I need to pass the CPA board first. I graduated in two courses – Financial Accounting and Accountancy. Both courses dealt with numbers.
You know what’s funnier?
I am working now as a Marketing Assistant. Whoalllaaah!!! Yes! I am at Marketing Department. Until when? I don’t know. I did not take the board for some reason but I always have the choice to work at the Accounting department to practice my profession and take the board later on. I just can’t.
There were times that I still talk to myself and asked questions that I thought only ME can answer. I took myself responsible for the decisions I made. I don’t want to disturb anybody and put the blame on them. It’s not about them – my parents, my siblings, my best friend and friends. It’s me! I stood up straight and remain strong in front of many but I am on the brick of depression, frustration, suicidal sometimes, I fell in the basket of many kinds of temptations and addictions and I was totally devastated of my life.
But, I will tell you a secret. I have a text/chat mate and a friend. His name was Jesus. Most of you will ask me “How?” and think I’m crazy. That was the time that I don’t want to speak to anybody. I still talked to myself but that time, I used my own number and named it JESUS and created a Facebook account to send me messages – inspirational, encouraging, purpose driven, etc. that will lift me up from the grave.
Then this realization came. Jesus was my playmate when I was a kid. I am not talking to myself. I am not alone. I am actually talking to Him. He used to be my Brother as I don’t have one. I used to like Him much. It was Him that my mother usually mentions every time she was reading something in front of me. I didn’t know Him as God. I have no idea if my family did ever notice this craziest thing in my childhood. He was a superhero for me more powerful that the Power Rangers and Power Pop Girls. He was also a magician that He divided and distributed a five loaves and two fishes to thousands of people; he walked on the sea and so many other strangest things that my tiniest mind can only imagine.
For many years, there’s one person who stood beside me no matter what. People will eventually leave and will not be around all the time. It is the Spirit of God through Jesus that I learned to fight and stand firm. He is always the top reason behind my smiles. I always claim success and happiness all the time even on my loudest cry.
DREAMS DO COME TRUE!
None of my dreams I mentioned before was realized except for one. And this is not just a dream. This has been part of my prayers. “Lord, I wanted to be more like Jesus every day.” This is impossible! An absolutely insane thing! I am not dreaming to become Jesus. No one can ever replace HIM. But, I am a great and avid fan of Jesus. He is my no. 1 inspiration, my idol, my consoler, my redeemer, my Brother. The True Rock of my life.
I am not a police woman, but I can save lives by doing the tiniest act of kindness.
I am not a teacher, but I can teach and inspire more people.
I am not a doctor, but I was healed and I can share healings. It’s not about physical. We all need healing in all aspects of our life – emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I am not an architect. I cannot plan and build a house but I can build a home, a family, friendships and wonderful relationships.
I don’t have a post on the church but I am a servant of God. Even Jesus came not to be served but to serve.
All I am praying for is to be simply like Him through all these things but God’s blessings are tremendously outpouring.
A detour that leads to “A Living Rock”
During those difficult moments that I don’t want to speak to anybody, God led me back to my mother – my first teacher, adviser and a prayer warrior. A heavy heart and disturbed mind pushed me to call her and share the reasons why. I was already living abroad then and miles away from them. I always ask her prayer, advice and words of wisdom every time I am lost and weak. Then I created a Facebook page “A Mother’s Touch.” Simply because, she inspires me more this time. She would always give me, Psalm 62:6-7, “He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.” All the things she’s telling me I am posting it on this page secretly. Whatever emotions I have I am sharing to 12 anonymous people who liked and followed this page.
God then blessed me with good friends. My communication with my best friend was revived. I became part of a community with people that are on the same faith as mine. I found a family away from my true family. I now have more inspirations in life. I have a community that is praying for me. I found shoulders to lean on through my brothers and sisters.
Jesus is the True Rock of our salvation. But believe me God is using many ordinary people and ordinary things and situations to save us. My mother, my best friend and friends, my brothers and sisters in the community they all became a living rocks for me. And as I continue to desire to be more like Jesus, the more I also desire to be a living rock for others. And this is the main reason I decided to rename my page to A Living Rock. Inspiring, motivating and encouraging others to live a happy and positive life; walk on righteousness, share love and kindness to everybody and spreading Good News.
Read also: You are A Living Rock by Circe Sola