A Letter To My Mother

Thank you Father God for the Gift of today.

Allow me to honor a person who made a great impact and molded me for who I am today.

Ma, I thank you for carrying me, for taking care of me, for supporting me and for loving me not only for nine months but for 28 years now and counting.

*You are my first evangelizer. I remember the days when I long for a company, a friend, a playmate; every time I was left alone at home… sad and longing.  You will call me while holding a Bible or a magazine and started reading (mostly religious articles).  You will start telling me about this guy whose name is Jesus.

*You are my first Teacher. You don’t want me to just simply read and write. You always asked me to read it loud so you can hear me and check my pronunciation, my diction including my emotions while reading.  Ever since, I wanted to copy your handwriting – neat, clear and bold. So, every time I made a mistake, I needed to rewrite even the whole thing.  You taught me also how to draw, to express myself in writing and guided me to do any type of art.

*You are my prayer warrior.  You taught me not to rely on my own strength.  So every time I have contests at school, examinations, having hard times in dealing the tests of life… I will come to you or call you to pray over me and request you to pray for me and for all of us.

*You are my adviser.  Most of the times, I am confused for so many things in life.  I have doubts and fears.  I lost my confidence and courage. Your words, but most of the times your actions are my sources of strengths and wisdom. 

*You are the TRUE mirror of Humility.  You taught me to do great things with great love and compassion.  It is okay to get angry, sadden by many negative things, shout (if must) but to never allow these things to rule me and my day. I have to fully accept defeat, surrender and fight again. If I am the one at fault, I need to say SORRY and humbly ask for forgiveness.  If I was hurt, I need to forgive (even they were not sorry).  This is exactly your words, “Once you’ve done your part, enough. It doesn’t mean you choose to give up, but you prefer to fight in prayer.”

You are not perfect, but your imperfection is making you a GREAT person.  You have nothing to boast in terms of material things that others normally used to criticize you but you are very rich and wealthy in love and kindness. You are physically weak but you are very strong in spirit. You are giving your heart; you are giving your all.

I am more than proud that you are my mother.

I love you, Ma. God bless you always.

First Love Blues

“First Love Blues” – Dedicated to a father who is now in heaven.
You’re the first man in my life.
Beside you is a comfort and bliss.
To you I run fast, confide and hide
With you I am safe and at peace. 

When ego attack, we fight,
Yet, in the quietness of heart, I...
I found that... "I love you!"
Common man, I really do.
  
You are the king,
I am your princess.
You are the hero,
I am the sidekick.
You are the big brat boss,
Serving you is love, not a lost.
  
Yes!  You are my first love.
And now… my first heartbreak.
My beloved father, why?
Behind walls, hear my cries.
  
Words of love from you I thirst,
So you labored for a cup to drink.
Here I stand, staring at a name,
Full of memories and unrealized dreams.
  
In prayers, I am reaching out to you.
You’ll be forever loved, forever missed,
And in forever, which is in heaven,
I know… we will see each other again.
  

DEPRESSED CANDLE

Depressed Candle - a real fight against depression and mental illness
Depressed Candle by Circe Sola
 

We are reading lots of articles, posts, different forms of awareness about depression and mental illness.  Praise God for all the people who opened up, shared and gave inspiration.  They are “depressed candles” that have shared light to others.  

More people came out and admitted that they too, are really suffering from depression; they are loud and very vocal about it.  Funny part is, they don’t really understand if others are expressing or showing symptoms for the same thing. WHY? It is like, “Oh, common! Are they depressed, tired, pressured? It’s nothing compared to what I have experienced.” Of all the people, you should be the one consoling your friend or family members, right?

A lesson from a CANDLE.

We are all like candles. We have been created for a purpose. To give light and shine bright for others but of course, you will lose your own life. And to depressed people, it will have two different perspective depending on how they give meaning to their candles.

1. Depressed Candle No. 1 – The Dying Candle

Depressed people somehow thinks negatively. That is why mostly ended up SUICIDAL. They want to always sacrifice their life, their happiness, their freedom for you to FEEL OKAY and not to feel bad about their existence. They are living in remorse and pity… pity for no other than, their own self. They question their self worth as you question them with their value as a human. You always asked for what they can give. With that, they isolate themselves for the reason that they are incapable of providing what the people, (esp. the one they truly cared and loved the most) are asking for. They are busy looking for the missing pieces,shortcomings and loopholes. They think that what they are doing is always NOT ENOUGH.

Dying candle, having no hope at all… will appear to be fan of blowing other candles out. They will let their candle burning, shut off others, alone in darkness, allow themselves to be emptied and die. It is not being a hero nor to show off brightness. Remember, it makes the life of the candle short, so does their presence and let others live longer.

Note: It’s basically between you and others – worldly in nature.

2. Depressed Candle No. 2 – Candle of LOVE

These are those rare people who are depressed, mentally disturbed and emotionally burdened yet fighting really hard in spirit. Both physical and psychological aspects are on its breaking point. Unlike the Dying Candle with no hope at all, the Candle of Love will find the littlest way to successfully overcome depression. It’s not easy. It’s where the real battle occurs – between you and your soul. And, it’s a never ending fight. 

They get up and dressed every day. They smile and laugh more often. They will run to you when you needed them, and give more even on their nothingness. They are available when no one is there for them. Why? They don’t want others to experience what they are going through.   They are lighting their candles not for themselves but more for others. They are ready to die only to give light especially to those who are lost. One candle can light a thousand more candles – serving as an inspiration and at some point, opening more room for communication.

Still, they might lose the battle and die, but they have won and lived with a purpose.  It’s winning souls that matters.

Note: It’s between you and your spirit – heaven’s ideal.

What normally caused or triggered mental illness?
It is how the people TREAT each other.

Sad truth! When people starts showing these SIGNS and expressed hopelessness, instead of reaching out, people will start to judge and compare to theirs. They misunderstand. They retaliate and rebuke.
No love. No care. No compassion. No communication. No forgiveness. No kindness. More on blaming, harassing, judging, complaining and cursing.
For them, depressed people are like crazy idiots who just simply wants attention. They simply ignore them. They don’t want to add or be burdened by someone else.

Well, it is not like that. The negative impression will give a higher tendency for the subject to hide their feelings, their deep pain, their longing, their problem and their reality.

The wife of the late Linkin Park lead singer Chester Charles Bennington once said, “Someone who needs help doesn’t always ‘look depressed’ or suicidal.” This is true – they appear to be strong and happy. Above all, depressed people will understand you UNTIL THEY CAN’T BEAR ANYMORE their own issues. So, please try to consider that others might be on the same place as yours.

For those who are continuously judging people and pulling them down, for the reason that they are yeah.. also depressed… it’s time to choose your candle.

“Choose your battles.”

We all have battles and we are all fighting in different ways. Yes, ALL… and no exemptions – young and old, rich and poor, normal and with disabilities, having enough and with deficiencies. The difference lies on the choices that we make.  Think about it and know who you really fighting  with. Sometimes, it’s not the other person nor the situation that make us feel depressed. It is just within your mind and heart. It is always with “OR” – understand the situation/person OR rebuke and retaliate; forgive OR take revenge, surrender OR let your ego be higher than ever; love OR hate; accept and respect them OR judge them. 

It is YOU AGAINST YOU.

Now, look at the person surrounding you. You have no idea what they are going through. Most probably they, too have no idea about your struggles. But there is one common thing you can do for each other. Remove the OR and stick on the positive side and act on it – that’s where the spirit leads.

Be the CANDLE OF LOVE and live with your purpose.

Know more:

Family of Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington Starts Mental Health Movement

Robin Williams and the link between comedy and depression

Read more A Living Rock’s Blogs and Posts

FIND YOURSELF.

 

Look at yourself!
You are lost and sometimes stuck in a state of life you never wanted to be.
You started to hate the very situation you are in.  You wanted to scream but no one can hear you. You put much effort for them to find you but no one can see you.  And then… you hid yourself in depression, frustration and disappointments.  You’re crying in the middle of the night… heavily but no sound.

Sometimes you find yourselfin the middle of nowhere;and sometimes in themiddle of nowhere,YOU FIND YOURSELF.

Again, look at yourself!

Don’t you know that you were put there for a reason. Get lost or continue to live. It’s all your choice.

Learn to take a step, move and decide for yourself.
Learn to draw strength from within.  You’ll get tired and sick. Well… take rest but never give up, never stop, never quit.
Get up, fight and find yourself.
God is there… always there to guide you.
You cannot see. You cannot hear.
But you can feel. He is there… always.

 

Hey you! Yes, YOU!

In you, yes YOU! I am confident. I am at peace. Because in you, yes YOU! I found a true and honest FRIEND.

You are wonderful.
You are beautiful.
You are gifted.
You are strong and courageous.
You are truly amazing.

You have no idea how grateful I am.
How blessed and honored to be part of you.
Your kindness and sincerity touches my heart.
Your presence awakens my soul and mind.

I appreciate every single thing you did.
You willingly sacrificed your time and day to help.
You always lend your ear and open your eyes.
To listen and see the truth behind my cries.

I am not loud at expressing my feelings.
I don’t know if you’ll ever notice.
I’m embracing every memory with you.
A treasure to keep that will last for sure.

In you, yes YOU!
I am confident. I am at peace.
Because In you, yes YOU!
I found a true and honest FRIEND.