A Letter To My Mother

Thank you Father God for the Gift of today.

Allow me to honor a person who made a great impact and molded me for who I am today.

Ma, I thank you for carrying me, for taking care of me, for supporting me and for loving me not only for nine months but for 28 years now and counting.

*You are my first evangelizer. I remember the days when I long for a company, a friend, a playmate; every time I was left alone at home… sad and longing.  You will call me while holding a Bible or a magazine and started reading (mostly religious articles).  You will start telling me about this guy whose name is Jesus.

*You are my first Teacher. You don’t want me to just simply read and write. You always asked me to read it loud so you can hear me and check my pronunciation, my diction including my emotions while reading.  Ever since, I wanted to copy your handwriting – neat, clear and bold. So, every time I made a mistake, I needed to rewrite even the whole thing.  You taught me also how to draw, to express myself in writing and guided me to do any type of art.

*You are my prayer warrior.  You taught me not to rely on my own strength.  So every time I have contests at school, examinations, having hard times in dealing the tests of life… I will come to you or call you to pray over me and request you to pray for me and for all of us.

*You are my adviser.  Most of the times, I am confused for so many things in life.  I have doubts and fears.  I lost my confidence and courage. Your words, but most of the times your actions are my sources of strengths and wisdom. 

*You are the TRUE mirror of Humility.  You taught me to do great things with great love and compassion.  It is okay to get angry, sadden by many negative things, shout (if must) but to never allow these things to rule me and my day. I have to fully accept defeat, surrender and fight again. If I am the one at fault, I need to say SORRY and humbly ask for forgiveness.  If I was hurt, I need to forgive (even they were not sorry).  This is exactly your words, “Once you’ve done your part, enough. It doesn’t mean you choose to give up, but you prefer to fight in prayer.”

You are not perfect, but your imperfection is making you a GREAT person.  You have nothing to boast in terms of material things that others normally used to criticize you but you are very rich and wealthy in love and kindness. You are physically weak but you are very strong in spirit. You are giving your heart; you are giving your all.

I am more than proud that you are my mother.

I love you, Ma. God bless you always.

First Love Blues

“First Love Blues” – Dedicated to a father who is now in heaven.
You’re the first man in my life.
Beside you is a comfort and bliss.
To you I run fast, confide and hide
With you I am safe and at peace. 

When ego attack, we fight,
Yet, in the quietness of heart, I...
I found that... "I love you!"
Common man, I really do.
  
You are the king,
I am your princess.
You are the hero,
I am the sidekick.
You are the big brat boss,
Serving you is love, not a lost.
  
Yes!  You are my first love.
And now… my first heartbreak.
My beloved father, why?
Behind walls, hear my cries.
  
Words of love from you I thirst,
So you labored for a cup to drink.
Here I stand, staring at a name,
Full of memories and unrealized dreams.
  
In prayers, I am reaching out to you.
You’ll be forever loved, forever missed,
And in forever, which is in heaven,
I know… we will see each other again.
  

DEPRESSED CANDLE

Depressed Candle by Circe Sola

We are reading lots of articles, posts, different forms of awareness about depression and mental illness.  Praise God for all the people who opened up, shared and gave inspiration. Not only that, planted the seed of HOPE – there is LIGHT in every darkness.

More people came out and admitted that they, too are really suffering from depression. Funny thing, some of them who sometimes too LOUD about it, don’t really understand what it is like if others, too are really depressed and facing mental issues. WHY? It is like, “Oh, common! Others don’t have the right to feel depressed, tired, anxiety, pressure, etc. They are far from what I have experienced.” Of all the people, is it that you should be the one consoling your friend or family members because you know exactly what it means?

Sad truth, when people starts showing these SIGNS and expressed hopelessness, instead of reaching out, asking how are they and help… people will start to judge and compare to theirs. They misunderstand. They retaliate and rebuke.

What normally caused or triggered mental illness?
From my point of view as I continuously experiencing and at the same time fighting my own battle, it is how the people TREAT them.
No love. No care. No compassion. No communication. No forgiveness. No kindness.
More on blaming, harassing, judging, complaining and cursing.
For them, depressed people are like crazy idiots who just simply wants attention; and to some, they simply ignore them for the fear of adding burden to them or they will be burdened.
Well, to tell you… IT IS NOT like that. Because of that impression, the tendency is for them to hide their feelings, their deep pain, their longing, their problem.

The wife of the late Linkin Park lead singer Chester Charles Bennington once said, “Someone who needs help doesn’t always ‘look depressed’ or suicidal.” This is true – they appear to be strong and happy. Above all, depressed people will understand you UNTIL THEY CAN’T BEAR ANYMORE their own issues. So, please don’t always put yourself down as if you are the only one. Try to consider that others might be on the same place as yours.

For you who continuously judging people and pulling them down, for the reason that they are yeah.. also depressed… choose your candle.

A lesson from a CANDLE.

We are all like candles. We have been created for a purpose. To give light and shine bright for others but of course, you will lose your own life. And to depressed people, it will have a different perspective depending on how the candles are being handled.

1. Depressed Candle No. 1 – Dying Candle
Depressed people somehow thinks negatively. That is why mostly ended up SUICIDAL. They want to always sacrifice their life, their happiness, their freedom for you to FEEL OKAY and not to feel bad about their existence. They are living in remorse and pity… pity for no other than, their own self. They question their self worth as you question them their value as a human. You always asked for what they can give. With that, they isolate themselves for the reason that they are incapable of providing what the people, (esp. the one they truly cared and loved the most) are asking for. They are busy looking for the missing pieces – shortcomings and for areas that there is lacking so they think that what they are doing is always NOT ENOUGH.

DEPRESSED people, having no hope at all… will appear to be fan of blowing others candles out. It is not being a hero nor to show off brightness. They are easily irritated not by the light but by how it was lighted – no sense of purpose. Depressed candle will let their fire burning, shut off others and give up their life for others to live longer. Remember, it makes the life of the candle short, so does their presence.

2. Depressed Candle No. 2 – Candle of LOVE
But for those who successfully overcome depression stage, still recovering from it or is going through it, lighting their candles would mean, they want a peaceful life, praying deeply for others, showing compassion, living to add life and giving more light. It’s not easy. They are fighting really hard. They are turning the negative into positive, finding light in every darkness and pushing themselves up.  They learned not to  be tempted by the evil forces.  They have moved on and don’t want to be affected by the warmth of your wrong judgments, your inhibitions, your false accusations. They are freeing themselves from you, yes YOU… who makes their life shorter.

They will let their candle be lighted, not to die but to give light especially to those lost candle. Meaning, they have realized and understand their TRUE and ULTIMATE PURPOSE.

We all have battles and we are all fighting in different ways. But, if you know  really what it is like to be in it, you will know how to handle the situation (may it be your own or someone else) and realized who you really fighting  with. Sometimes, it’s not the person. It is just within your mind and heart. It is always with “OR” – understand the situation/person OR rebuke and retaliate ; forgive OR take your pride higher than ever; love or hate; accept and respect them OR judge them.

It is where the mental and emotional depression starts. When you find it really hard to decide ending up losing and forgetting your purpose, there you will know and feel that there is problem not only with them (the person you are fighting with), but there’s also YOU AGAINST YOU.

Now, look at the person surrounding you especially family members. You have no idea what they are going through. Most probably they, too have no idea about your struggles. But there is one common thing you can do for each other. Remove the OR and stick on the positive side and act on it.

Be the CANDLE OF LOVE and live with your purpose.

 

FIND YOURSELF.

 

Look at yourself!
You are lost and sometimes stuck in a state of life you never wanted to be.
You started to hate the very situation you are in.  You wanted to scream but no one can hear you. You put much effort for them to find you but no one can see you.  And then… you hid yourself in depression, frustration and disappointments.  You’re crying in the middle of the night… heavily but no sound.

Sometimes you find yourselfin the middle of nowhere;and sometimes in themiddle of nowhere,YOU FIND YOURSELF.

Again, look at yourself!

Don’t you know that you were put there for a reason. Get lost or continue to live. It’s all your choice.

Learn to take a step, move and decide for yourself.
Learn to draw strength from within.  You’ll get tired and sick. Well… take rest but never give up, never stop, never quit.
Get up, fight and find yourself.
God is there… always there to guide you.
You cannot see. You cannot hear.
But you can feel. He is there… always.

 

Hey you! Yes, YOU!

In you, yes YOU! I am confident. I am at peace. Because in you, yes YOU! I found a true and honest FRIEND.

You are wonderful.
You are beautiful.
You are gifted.
You are strong and courageous.
You are truly amazing.

You have no idea how grateful I am.
How blessed and honored to be part of you.
Your kindness and sincerity touches my heart.
Your presence awakens my soul and mind.

I appreciate every single thing you did.
You willingly sacrificed your time and day to help.
You always lend your ear and open your eyes.
To listen and see the truth behind my cries.

I am not loud at expressing my feelings.
I don’t know if you’ll ever notice.
I’m embracing every memory with you.
A treasure to keep that will last for sure.

In you, yes YOU!
I am confident. I am at peace.
Because In you, yes YOU!
I found a true and honest FRIEND.